There had been a time in her life where she could always turn to someone. She could just turn around and poof, there they were, catching her if she should fall. Her friends in America were long gone, she had close to no contact with them at all, and in a way, she was glad alongside with sad. She was sad of course, that she didn’t have them around, but in a way, she knew she had outgrown them. She was not the same girl that came her four years ago. Four years ago she was innocent. At the time she hadn’t thought so, but now she truly knew how innocent she had been. It was nothing compared to now, compared to how tainted she had become.

There had been a time when Dylan, Zander and she had been a trio. It didn’t really matter that she was crushing on Zander and he was crushing on her, they had been a wonderful trio. Wonderful and blissful. It had been a happy time in her life, the one with the two of them. She had felt she belonged. But looking over her shoulder now, she didn’t see them. She and Zander had been seriously dating, she knew she’d loved him with all of her broken heart, and getting over such a loss was hard, and she had not been particularly good at handling that. Over and over she made her heart shatter, as if to try and remember what it was like, having him around. It was like pain was the only thing she could feel about him, she’d gladly take it. What a fool she’d been. Not only did it prevent her from healing, it also made her completely retreat from any social life she’d had at the time.

Raine knew she and Joey was on less speaking terms than usual, seeing as she hung out so much with Gavyn, apparently her only ray of light. Oh, and Raine didn’t even want to go into details about Dylan and not to mention Alexis. It was awkward being in the same class as the girl.

Yes, there had been a time when Raine could turn around and see friends surrounding her. Not anymore though. She had Gavyn, and she was eternally grateful for that, but he was not around 24/7, and she did not expect him to either. Still, she was having an awful lot of time with her own mind, which had never been a good thing, considering that most of her brain was consumed with guilt and painful memories. Perhaps that was why she made her way to the music room of the school with her guitar on her back. She needed to face some of the things she was bottling up. Yes, she felt it was time to face some of her forbidden feelings.

Dressed casually in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, the dark haired girl walked into the music room. It was deserted. It was Hogsmead weekend, so there were not many lingerers there. Raine had decided to stay behind, not sure if Gavyn was on another date with someone or not. She did not know why she was so agitated by that idea. No, she wasn’t going to think about that now: she had planned other things. Taking a deep breath, Raine sat down on a stool, taking out her guitar. She tried a few strings, smiling softly to herself at the random melody that came from her fingers. She closed her eyes, letting her heart be filled with what had been denied her for so long. Soon enough, a song filled the room.

It was a simple, soft melody, and in the beginning that was all there was. But then, softly, quietly but growing slightly stronger with each breath, came a small voice. It was a mere whisper from her lips, but a voice that grew as the came to the chorus. She felt her eyes water, but she didn’t let her tears fall. She knew she needed to do this. It was called “letting go,” something she hadn’t done until that moment.

This is the song she's playing: LINK

To those who knew the Gryffindor girl, it was known how much Raine hated performing. Unlike her ex-boyfriend, she did not openly sing in front of a crowd, let alone play her instrument in front of someone. Raine had stage fright. She could nearly always be persuaded to play something, but she never sung. It wasn’t that her voice was horrible, because Raine was actually blessed with a beautiful voice; it was just, she didn’t want to. It was of various reasons that she never sung. Firstly because she was just shy that way, but also, secondly, because she thought it brought back luck.

She sung only to herself, to try and get out her feelings for whatever she might have on her mind. However, occasionally she would be caught in something that needed her voice, or, like in this case, have someone listen to her without her knowing.

The dark-haired girl’s voice had increased since she first started singing. Her voice had no troubles carrying the words she sung, nor the volume they were sung at. However, she needn’t sing that high, as the room was large, deserted, and carried her voice to higher volumes. As she sung, images passed behind her closed eyes. There were so many memories in her music; perhaps that was why she hadn’t played in a while. It had been painful to play for a while, and she now saw how silly it had been. Music had been her addiction long before she met Zander McQueen. Why should he take that away from her too? Wasn’t it enough that he had taken her heart?

And we know it’s never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand

The song faded to an end and Raine felt her heart flutter with the images in her mind: her first ride to Hogwarts with Zander and Dylan, jam sessions with Dylan and Zander, Zander and her having food fight in the kitchen, her first real kiss, her heart, her everything, the broken promise, Zander leaving, Dylan disappearing from her life, Joey and Dylan, Alexis. The tears were welling up in her eyes, but she dared not open them to take a look. She concentrated her mind on that fact, not wanting to let them go. Therefore, she practically jumped as she heard a voice, her music coming to an abrupt end. She twirled around, her eyes wide open, her face shocked. She blinked, looking at the person in the doorway.

Dylan.

A thousand things ran through her mind, many of them were connected to images from her past, but also things that had recently happened between herself and Alexis. However, the most prominent question of them all was: what was he doing there? She had frozen on the spot, but she soon let go of her guitar. She couldn’t help the way she was feeling. Perhaps it was because she had been so melancholy or because she had finally been playing her music again, she didn’t know, but for whatever reason, Raine was incredibly happy to see Dylan again. As this thought hit her, she was already on her feet, hurrying towards Dylan. However, as all things were with Raine, happiness was often found with another feeling. Guilt. Raine ran over to Dylan and threw herself in his arms, closing her eyes, embracing him. He was really there; he was really there in that very room with her. She held him tight, a few involuntary tears leaking from her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she chanted, refusing to let go. “I’m sorry I told Alexis! I shouldn’t have, but you and Joey were being such assholes and everything fell down on me and I couldn’t help myself. Oh, but I’m sorry, I ruin everything,” she ranted on, a few more tears escaping.

That was what happened to her when she was going to let go. All her bottled up feeling, they all shattered at the same time.

Her body had reacted even before her mind had fully registered that it was he. It was just that seeing him, having just come face-to-face with the forbidden feelings she had, it was just overwhelming. And while her mind had been in a state of shock, her body had obviously moved on its own to a full-lock body embrace, one she had no intention of letting go off. He was taller than her, but she had managed to pull her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder, expressing tears of both joy and sadness. Guilt was of course a main ingredient in everything that Raine did, so it was there as well.

Breathing in his scent, feeling him close to her in her arms, hearing his voice and knowing that he was there, it was almost too real, but she was glad. Dylan was like a brother to her, it was her family as well as one of her closest friends. Being without him, she realized, had been hard. Even though Raine didn’t approve of half the things Dylan did with girls, let alone himself, she loved him like a brother: nothing more and nothing less. It hurt to know that they had not spoken for such a long time.

It was strange. For the first time in a long time, Raine was feeling that maybe this time, it would make a difference. She’d been broken down before. She’d been heartbroken and shattered, she’d had mental break-downs, but all they’d seemed to do was make her empty and ready to bottle new things up again. But this time, maybe this time, it would be the last time she cried over Zander McQueen: the first boy she’d ever loved, actually, the first person she’d allowed close to her since her mother and sister was murdered.

A little bit of hope lit up in her. Perhaps he wouldn’t be the last person she would open up to.

It was nice to feel the embrace being equally made by Dylan. Perhaps, she allowed herself to think, that he might’ve missed her to? Another tear fell from her eye, and she suddenly became very aware of that. Tears? Were they sorrow or happiness? Maybe a little bit of both. She closed her eyes at his words. Hate? It hurt to think he might’ve thought so. She tightened the embrace just a little bit, squeezing him a little before realizing, though not letting go. “I could never hate you, Dylan,” she whispered, close to his ear. Absentmindedly she let one of her hands trace his neck and stroke his hair. “I love you like a brother Dylan, and, no matter what you do, I could never hate you,” she said gravely. She opened her eyes now, sure that the tears wouldn’t fall this time. “I was afraid you were so angry with me that you would never see me again. I'm so sorry I ruined things,” she whispered, apologizing again, though she was sure that since he’d let her embrace him that that was not the case anymore.

For the moment, she did not think that what she was doing seemed unnatural at all. It didn’t seem romantic to her either, like it might to outsiders that might peer into the room. No, the embrace was such a longing, and such a heart-filled one, with no romantic feeling whatsoever. It was a sister being reunited with her brother, or, the other way around. Either way, Raine was just glad that he was there.

Raine had no breath left in her to argue with him as he spoke his last words. Honestly, she was just glad that some small part of her past had returned to her. She was glad that she did at least, have Dylan Merrick on her side. “I’m still sorry too,” Raine whispered quietly. It wasn’t really an argument, but just a statement of apologising. She needed to say it, she needed to get it through to him that she really was sorry for breaking into their life like that, and ruining some part of what might’ve had a chance. Might’ve.

The dark haired girl closed her eyes once more, feeling almost alarmingly safe in his arms. He was the older brother that could be the most idiotic ass, but was still the one person that could make her feel safe.

Images of the past were hard not to see in her mind. Her relationship with Dylan had been rocky for quite some time now. It all started with Zander’s disappearance. It had been awkward between Dylan and Raine, and both had avoided each other. After that, it just seemed to have fallen into some sort of really bad habit, were both were doing it deliberately and also without thinking. It just happened that they spoke from time to time, mostly about Quidditch then. And then, the bomb had been dropped in her lap. Along with Zander’s return and her own pain, Joey had spilled the beans, telling her about Dylan. She had been shocked about this news. Shocked that Dylan could’ve sunk that low. Cheated on a girl. Why hadn’t he just broken up with her instead of waiting such a long time?

Raine had been angered with Dylan: she had to admit that. She hadn’t been pleased with him at all, and in her anger she had avoided him. But then, Raine couldn’t hold it in anymore. She felt so sorry for Alexis, completely ignorant to what had happened. Raine had been torn between her commitment to Dylan and Joey, and her ethical morals. She had ended up telling Alexis, being in the middle of the mass. In his pride and anger, Dylan had been angry with her too, at least she was under that impression. Everything had been just wrong.

So, it was with great relive that the two were now embracing each other, making amends, finally. “I’m glad you’re here,” Raine breathed softly, feeling as if a small weight of her guilt had been lifted off her shoulders. She smiled, a little.